The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Professor Neil aka i can explain | agosto 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sheriff Duane aka i was clear from the start | agosto 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sasha aka i never promised anything | agosto 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Teo aka we were basically already broken up | agosto 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Dame Rosalind aka i think we want different things | julio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ravi aka i don't want to hurt you | julio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Senator Chuck aka i just got a puppy | julio 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Wren aka i left my toothbrush there | junio 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Chief Barnaby aka new phone who dis | junio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Matron Sylvia aka i'm moving to Berlin probably | junio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Pia aka you were always going to leave anyway | junio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Kofi aka my mum doesn't think it's a good idea | junio 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Countess Delphine aka nothing happened technically | junio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Alderman Frank aka our friendship is too important | junio 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Colonel Stanley aka do you still have my charger | junio 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Uncle Terrence aka i still have your hoodie | junio 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Big Marcus aka we both know why | junio 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Hamza aka Mercury is in retrograde | junio 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Fern aka it's not you it's genuinely me | junio 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Mateo aka you're being dramatic | mayo 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Maeve aka work is absolutely insane right now | mayo 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Madame Carla aka i was a different person | mayo 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Tomás aka i genuinely didn't see your message | abril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Lord Reuben aka my therapist says i shouldn't date right now | abril 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ola aka i deleted the app | abril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Lupe aka i'm emotionally unavailable and self-aware about it | abril 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Sir Gregory aka i saw it coming honestly | abril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Rosa aka i don't really believe in labels | marzo 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Saint Olivia aka you deserve so much better than me | marzo 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Poor Nathan aka the timing just isn't right | marzo 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Abbess Greta aka i've been ghosted before so i get it | marzo 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Prince Damien aka i thought we were on the same page | marzo 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Saoirse aka can i still come to your sister's thing | febrero 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Cato aka let's keep it casual for now | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Doctor Eloy aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Viscount Gaspar aka i left my toothbrush there | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Sinead aka we wanted different lives | febrero 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Dame Gio aka i genuinely didn't see your message | febrero 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Vicar Zelda aka i liked her photo by accident | febrero 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sweet Ciaran aka this is for the best honestly | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Xavi aka i've been off my phone lately | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Marchioness Lena aka i muted you for my own sake | febrero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Baroness Luca aka i'm getting married in June | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ines aka i never introduced you to my friends for a reason | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Comrade Imogen aka i said i'd call and i meant it | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Mariana aka no bad blood right | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Warden Gwen aka i just need six weeks | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Abbess Gio aka we both know why | enero 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Anouk aka i'm working on myself now | enero 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Dean Nikolai aka you caught me at a weird time | enero 2025 | Still in captivity |