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A Blaberus giganteus cockroach on a workbench beside a name plaque reading Little Anthony
A two-page gold-framed Certificate of Roachhood, proclaiming a cockroach named Unbothered Bianca, with care instructions and registry details.
Basic Roast — Name a Cockroach After Your Friend or Your Ex - Imagen 3
A hand-lettered adoption sign for a cockroach named Yolanda, on a wooden walkway beside a hammock
A wooden terrarium on the farm bench beside a name plaque reading Panchito
A cockroach on the rainforest floor beside a sign naming it Consuelo, oldest of the colony
A mesh pen signed CUCARACHAS with a hand-lettered board naming the cockroach inside Tito, pen number two
A hand-lettered sign naming a cockroach Rufino, propped inside a mesh rainforest enclosure

Basic Roast — Name a Cockroach After Your Friend or Your Ex

For anyone who has earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex.

You give us a name. Somewhere in a habitat a real cockroach gets it, with no idea it has been named after somebody you know. The moment your order goes through, a print-ready certificate lands in your inbox: cream stock, double gold border, script lettering, a wax seal. Print it, frame it, post it, or keep it in a drawer and know it exists.

Con el nombre de pila o un apodo basta. Una amiga, un hermano, un compañero de piso, un ex: quien se lo haya ganado. Solo personas reales, y nadie menor de 18 años.
Printed on the certificate, and shown in the registry if you opt in.

Vista previa en vivo: se va rellenando mientras escribes.

Gregory the Unreliable
Named 10/2026 RMX-0000-0000
Tu certificado

El número y la fecha del certificado se emiten cuando se paga el pedido. El diseño se muestra a tamaño reducido.

El registro público

Entries are reviewed by a human before they go live. We publish the roach name, your roast, and your first name only — never your surname, email, or theirs.
We post daily life from the colony — races, ceremonies, dinner, general skittering. Tick this and we will tag you when your roach turns up. Photos and videos land weekly or monthly depending on your plan.

A printed copy, in the post

Heavy uncoated stock, printed and hand-addressed here, then mailed to the address you give us. The emailed certificate arrives either way — this is the one you can frame.
Categoría:

Cuéntaselo a todo el mundo

Facebook

Instagram y TikTok no permiten que una web abra una publicación por ti, así que esos dos copian el enlace: pégalo en tu historia, en el pie de foto o en la bio.

Descripción

Somebody in your life has earned this. The best friend who has been fifteen minutes away for eleven years. The sibling who still brings up the thing from 2009. The colleague who reheats fish at their desk. An ex, if that is genuinely the occasion. This is not revenge. This is administration. Somewhere in a habitat, a cockroach is going about its business with no idea it is about to be named after them.

You give us a name. We give you a certificate that looks like it belongs in a law firm’s lobby — cream stock, double gold border, script lettering, a wax seal. It lands in your inbox the moment your order goes through. Print it, frame it, post it, or keep it in a drawer and know it exists.

What you actually get

  • Digital Certificate delivered instantly.
  • A print-ready certificate with your roach’s official name, your roast, a certificate number, and the date it was registered.
  • The roach name of your choice, on the certificate, exactly as you type it.

Want the public registry entry and the shareable social card too? Those start at Premium Roast.

The honest small print

The roach is real. It is a Blaberus giganteus — a species native to Colombia, up to about 10cm, and genuinely photogenic — living in a managed colony on private land in Colombia, where it is fed and looked after by six people who have names and faces. It is never shipped, mailed, or sent to you or to the person it is named after, and it remains completely unaware of the whole affair. We are not a zoo, a sanctuary, or a conservation charity, and we do not pretend to be. The certificate is a keepsake, not a legal or scientific document. Registry entries are reviewed by a human before they appear, we publish your first name only, and we take anything down on request. Keep it to a real adult who can take a joke, keep it legal, and we will keep it funny.

Donde ocurre de verdad

Esto es toda la operación

Un cobertizo en Colombia, mucha huevera y una bombilla que amenaza con fundirse desde 2019. Aquí vive tu cucaracha.

The narrow aisle inside the breeding shed, colony bins stacked floor to roof on both sides, a bare bulb at the far end and the Criadero La Esperanza sign in the foreground
El pasillo. Una bombilla y todas las personas con las que te has enfadado alguna vez.
A keeper reaching up to a wall of labelled cockroach bins named Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo, Fabio and Rosita, lit by a single hanging bulb
Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo. Alguien puso nombre a cada una de ellas.
Wooden breeding pens labelled ninfas pequenas, adultos grandes and cria seleccionada, above stacked colony bins, with the rainforest through the open door
Ninfas, adultos, cría seleccionada. Hay un sistema, y se cumple.
Four open plastic colony bins labelled ninfas, adultos, cria and cuarentena, holding egg crate, moss, bark and shredded paper, set on the ground in front of the rainforest
Huevera, musgo, corteza, papel triturado. Cuatro cajas, cuatro opiniones.
A keeper washing out a colony bin at the workbench beside a lid labelled Tito, with fresh egg cartons stacked ready and a limpieza y cuidado sign on the wall
Día de limpieza. Tito está en otra parte, pasando un rato incómodo.
The full row of named cockroach crates on a bench under a tin shelter roof, surrounded by rainforest
Los cajones con nombre, bajo el techado, en el orden en que se construyeron.