The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Professor Neil aka i can explain | août 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sheriff Duane aka i was clear from the start | août 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sasha aka i never promised anything | août 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Teo aka we were basically already broken up | août 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Dame Rosalind aka i think we want different things | juillet 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ravi aka i don't want to hurt you | juillet 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Senator Chuck aka i just got a puppy | juillet 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Wren aka i left my toothbrush there | juin 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Chief Barnaby aka new phone who dis | juin 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Matron Sylvia aka i'm moving to Berlin probably | juin 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Pia aka you were always going to leave anyway | juin 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Kofi aka my mum doesn't think it's a good idea | juin 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Countess Delphine aka nothing happened technically | juin 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Alderman Frank aka our friendship is too important | juin 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Colonel Stanley aka do you still have my charger | juin 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Uncle Terrence aka i still have your hoodie | juin 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Big Marcus aka we both know why | juin 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Hamza aka Mercury is in retrograde | juin 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Fern aka it's not you it's genuinely me | juin 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Mateo aka you're being dramatic | mai 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Maeve aka work is absolutely insane right now | mai 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Madame Carla aka i was a different person | mai 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Tomás aka i genuinely didn't see your message | avril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Lord Reuben aka my therapist says i shouldn't date right now | avril 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ola aka i deleted the app | avril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Lupe aka i'm emotionally unavailable and self-aware about it | avril 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Sir Gregory aka i saw it coming honestly | avril 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Rosa aka i don't really believe in labels | mars 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Saint Olivia aka you deserve so much better than me | mars 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Poor Nathan aka the timing just isn't right | mars 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Abbess Greta aka i've been ghosted before so i get it | mars 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Prince Damien aka i thought we were on the same page | mars 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Saoirse aka can i still come to your sister's thing | février 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Cato aka let's keep it casual for now | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Doctor Eloy aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Viscount Gaspar aka i left my toothbrush there | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Sinead aka we wanted different lives | février 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Dame Gio aka i genuinely didn't see your message | février 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Vicar Zelda aka i liked her photo by accident | février 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sweet Ciaran aka this is for the best honestly | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Xavi aka i've been off my phone lately | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Marchioness Lena aka i muted you for my own sake | février 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Baroness Luca aka i'm getting married in June | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ines aka i never introduced you to my friends for a reason | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Comrade Imogen aka i said i'd call and i meant it | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Mariana aka no bad blood right | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Warden Gwen aka i just need six weeks | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Abbess Gio aka we both know why | janvier 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Anouk aka i'm working on myself now | janvier 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Dean Nikolai aka you caught me at a weird time | janvier 2025 | Still in captivity |