The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Padre Lena aka i'm allergic to labels and cats | June 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Goran aka i'm really bad at goodbyes | June 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Farida aka you never said you were upset | June 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Judge Theo aka this doesn't change how i feel about you | May 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Coach Jinan aka we were on a break at that point | May 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Eamon aka that was my cousin in the photo | May 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Nestor aka it's not you it's genuinely me | May 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Sebastián aka your post is still coming here | May 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Alina aka i changed my number for unrelated reasons | May 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sigrid aka i knew you'd react like this | May 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Aurelio aka you're going to make someone very happy | May 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Poor Niamh aka you never said you were upset | May 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Octavio aka i'm not over my ex yet | April 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Abbess Cyrus aka i don't think i'm capable of that right now | April 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Commodore Quentin aka i saw you at the market and hid | April 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Tiny Nora aka i think we both checked out | April 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Aditi aka long distance never works | April 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Marchioness Rufus aka on paper it should have worked | April 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Hana aka i've felt this way for a while | April 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Genevieve aka we're cool yeah | April 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Patient Bernard aka no hard feelings right | April 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Xavi aka i was never really over it | March 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Jasmin aka i needed some time to reset | March 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Augusto aka i saw your story and thought of you | March 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Senator Mercedes aka you left your keys with my neighbour | March 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Elder Enzo aka my notifications were off | March 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ingrid aka we ran out of things to say | March 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Vicar Aneta aka it happened really fast | March 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Squire Lena aka i'll call you when i land | March 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Vicar Barnaba aka you caught me at a weird time | March 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Lucky Cora aka you're being dramatic | February 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Tamsin aka this is for the best honestly | February 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Nikolai aka the timing has always been our problem | February 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Podestà Otto aka you're being dramatic | February 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Prince Dilan aka you'll thank me one day | February 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Rector Simone aka i've been so busy this week | February 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Earl Serge aka i'm doing a digital detox | February 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Winifred aka this isn't serving me anymore | February 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Susana aka maybe we should take a little break | February 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Oswaldo aka i've changed a lot since then | January 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Faisal aka we got engaged actually | January 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Clara aka i saw it coming honestly | January 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Sanne aka on paper it should have worked | January 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ualter aka i'll text you tomorrow | January 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Nuria aka we got engaged actually | January 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Consul Karim aka i hope you meet someone incredible | January 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Master Lidia aka you seemed fine about it | January 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Erasmus aka can i still come to your sister's thing | January 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Governor Cyrus aka you were never going to be happy with me | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Fidel aka i saw you at the market and hid | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |