The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Kirsten aka maybe we should take a little break | April 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Judge Zebedee aka you're too good for me | April 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Elvira aka i don't think i'm capable of that right now | April 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Grazia aka i don't want to put a label on it | April 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Hopeless Lidia aka it's a long story | April 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Admiral Horace aka nothing happened technically | April 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Lord Paz aka you brought out a side of me i didn't like | April 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Nadja aka i saw your story and thought of you | March 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Old Kendrick aka you're honestly like a sister to me | March 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Gio aka my notifications were off | March 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Lottie aka my mum doesn't think it's a good idea | March 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Chancellor Katya aka i think about you sometimes | March 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Santiago aka i don't really believe in labels | March 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Earl Nazir aka your post is still coming here | March 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Sebastián aka i'm moving to Berlin probably | March 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Sheriff Elodie aka i can't read minds | March 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sweet Basil aka can we not do this over text | March 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Eileen aka i miss the old us | March 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Quartermaster Luca aka i got a job offer in Dubai | February 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Lorenzo aka i needed some time to reset | February 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Judge Ivo aka my sister was going through something | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Desmond aka i'll always care about you | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Aisha aka i wasn't myself in that relationship | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Don Simone aka random but how have you been | February 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Chancellor Armando aka my mum doesn't think it's a good idea | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Balthazar aka i've been ghosted before so i get it | February 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Horace aka i don't know what i want yet | February 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sister Ezra aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Quentin aka i saw it coming honestly | February 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Madame Alfie aka i still love you but not like that | January 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Astrid aka we're cool yeah | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Chief Tove aka i didn't block you my account changed | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Captain Sinead aka the moon was doing something | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Senator Astrid aka i don't think i deserve you | January 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Inspector Susana aka i'm not over my ex yet | January 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Sinead aka i never introduced you to my friends for a reason | January 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Don Celeste aka i just need to sort my head out | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Doña Milos aka i don't think i deserve you | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Niamh aka Mercury is in retrograde | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Contessa Ezra aka you'll thank me one day | January 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Pepa aka that was my cousin in the photo | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Mustafa aka i'm not proud of how i handled it | December 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Khalil aka i'll take the friday crowd you take saturday | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Romilly aka i thought you'd moved on already | December 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Deacon Ines aka i've changed a lot since then | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Quentin aka i need to protect my peace | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Bilal aka i got a job offer in Dubai | December 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Ada aka i need to work on me | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Doctor Paz aka i need to work on me | December 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Careless Dinah aka nothing happened technically | November 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |