The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Milena aka my last relationship really messed me up | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Big Elias aka i'm seeing someone now | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| The Honourable Gaspar aka i left my toothbrush there | December 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Ensign Jolene aka i saw it coming honestly | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Luca aka i couldn't give you the family thing | December 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sir Winifred aka i'll call you when i land | November 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Madame Dalia aka you never said you were upset | November 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ramiro aka you'd really like her | November 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Colonel Wanda aka give me until after christmas | November 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Galina aka i tried i really did | November 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Marquis Leandro aka i was drunk that whole month | November 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Governor Santiago aka she knows all about you | November 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Herald Yannick aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | October 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Governor Casimir aka nothing happened it just stopped | October 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Admiral Lachlan aka i don't owe you an explanation | October 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Curator Amos aka we were basically already broken up | October 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Svenja aka i liked her photo by accident | October 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Ahmed aka i kept the mug | October 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Corporal Verity aka i'll always care about you | October 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Little Hessa aka i outgrew it i think | September 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Warden Winifred aka i don't want to ruin what we have | September 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Little Bartosz aka i'm just not in a good place right now | September 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Rolf aka i'm keeping the gym membership | September 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Pascale aka my mum never warmed to you | September 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Steward Gabor aka let's revisit this in a few months | September 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Honest Halina aka my last relationship really messed me up | September 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Conrad aka you'll thank me one day | August 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sheriff Sabine aka i need to work on me | August 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Old Paz aka nothing happened technically | August 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Master Josefa aka i'm just really bad at texting | August 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Elke aka i knew you'd react like this | August 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Don Iona aka you're being a bit much | August 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Tove aka i'm not proud of how i handled it | August 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Podestà Aisha aka i can't read minds | July 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Gustavo aka i saw it coming honestly | July 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Brother Armando aka i'm working on myself now | July 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Little Mercedes aka let's just see where it goes | July 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ciaran aka labels ruin things | July 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Livia aka i took a test and i'm an ENTP | July 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Milos aka i just need a bit of space | July 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Doctor Zainab aka i think about you sometimes | June 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Padre Saoirse aka we don't have to make it weird | June 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Casimir aka you never said you were upset | June 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sergeant Dilan aka i don't really believe in labels | June 2021 | Still in captivity |
| Little Tariq aka we made each other worse | June 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Gerhard aka we got engaged actually | June 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Cardinal Amos aka my last relationship really messed me up | June 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Admiral Pepa aka my new girlfriend follows you now | May 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Warden Chidi aka the dates don't line up how you think | May 2021 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ivo aka i don't want to put a label on it | May 2021 | Turned into powder to feed hens |