The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Duchess Viggo aka i binned the toothbrush sorry | November 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Doctor Hendrik aka i'm off social media for lent | November 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Marko aka we don't have to make it weird | November 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Zebedee aka i assumed you knew | November 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Patient Sebastián aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | November 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Leandro aka you'd get on really well actually | November 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Doctor Raquel aka i just need to sort my head out | November 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Coach Cora aka do you ever think about that trip | November 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Professor Colette aka i'll be a better person eventually | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Madame Nell aka can we go back to how it was | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Chancellor Tadeo aka i'm keeping the gym membership | October 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sweet Ferdinand aka i've been so busy this week | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Doña Gabor aka my friends said i should end it | October 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Master Nils aka i was in airplane mode all weekend | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Old Marisol aka it meant nothing i promise | October 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Brigadier Milena aka i just need to sort my head out | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Don Noel aka i have a kid now | October 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Oleg aka i saw it coming honestly | September 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Amos aka i'll be a better person eventually | September 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Martina aka i have a kid now | September 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Rector Idalia aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | September 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Rodrigo aka it's not you it's genuinely me | September 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Oswaldo aka i tried i really did | September 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Pilar aka i don't think i'm capable of that right now | September 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Big Eileen aka it was a really old photo | September 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Hilda aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | September 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Saint Katya aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | August 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Abbess Godfrey aka we should have never started this | August 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Nils aka work is absolutely insane right now | August 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Thea aka my last relationship really messed me up | August 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Lady Klaus aka i've been meaning to reply | August 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Lady Gaspar aka give me until after christmas | August 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Podestà Juno aka i should have said something sooner | August 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Kacper aka calm down | August 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Marcela aka i started therapy because of you actually | August 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Yolanda aka it's complicated | July 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Comrade Astrid aka you'd really like her | July 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Stefan aka i've been ghosted before so i get it | July 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Doña Susana aka you'll be fine you always are | July 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Odile aka you were the best thing that happened to me | July 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Comrade Cillian aka i'm seeing someone now | July 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Little Celeste aka we're so much better as friends | July 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Senator Mustafa aka i'm not proud of how i handled it | July 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Patient Konstantin aka we're cool yeah | July 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Fat Mohan aka she's nothing like you i promise | June 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Young Manon aka it was a really old photo | June 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Ramiro aka i was waiting for the right moment | June 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Alba aka i'm not a mind reader | June 2022 | Still in captivity |
| Baron Caleb aka i moved back in with my parents | June 2022 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Morag aka do you still have my charger | June 2022 | Turned into powder to feed hens |