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A long bench of wooden adoption crates, each with its own hand-lettered name plaque
Adopt a Cockroach — The Full Commitment - Image 2
A hand holding a phone showing a social feed post of a pet cockroach in its vivarium, with a Supreme Roast button.
A row of wooden crates on a bench, each with a painted sign reading Lucho jaula 7, Nubia, Camilo, Tito and Pipa
Five members of the farm team laughing in a selfie, holding up a tub of cockroaches
A breeding barrel packed with Blaberus giganteus cockroaches, with a wooden sign naming one of them Becca
A cardboard box labelled NUEVOS RESIDENTES holding newly arrived cockroaches on a workbench

Adopt a Cockroach — The Full Commitment

For anyone who has earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex.

The once-off tiers are a verdict. This is a relationship — with a cockroach, in Colombia, named after somebody you know. It costs $9 a month, which is less than they spend on a haircut, and you can end it whenever you are bored. You get to choose the ending modalities.

You name it, you choose what it eats and where it lives. Then every month you get photos, video, race results and the dinner menu, shot on the farm on a cracked phone by a man called Devis. Everything in the once-off tiers is included — certificate, registry entry, the lot.

Who it is named after

First name or nickname is plenty. A friend, a sibling, a housemate, an ex — anyone who has earned it. Real people only, and nobody under 18.
Printed on the certificate, and shown in the registry if you opt in. Max 280 characters.

Live preview — this fills in as you type.

Delphine the Considerate
Named 10/2026 RMX-0000-0000
Your certificate

Certificate number and date are issued when your order is paid. Layout shown at reduced size.

What it eats

Changeable every billing cycle. You will be asked again each month.

Where it lives

How it ends

Cancel whenever you like — it is free, and there is no exit fee of any kind. This is only about how it ends. Every ending is included at no extra cost, all of them come with a certificate, and you can change your pick at any time. We have no preferred answer.

Where the updates go

The public registry

Next step is payment, on Stripe. $9 per month, billed monthly, until you cancel — one click, no phone call. Nothing is charged until you confirm it there, and none of these choices are final: you can change all of them later.

Category:

Tell everyone

Facebook

Instagram and TikTok do not let a website open a post for you, so those two copy the link — paste it into your story, caption, or bio.

Description

The once-off tiers are a verdict. This is a relationship — with a cockroach, in Colombia, that you are financially responsible for. It costs $9 a month, which is less than they spend on a haircut.

You name it, you decide what it eats, you decide where it lives, and you decide how it ends. Then every month you get to watch it get on with its life, blissfully unaware of the honour.

What you actually get

  • Digital Certificate delivered instantly.
  • Everything in the once-off tiers — the certificate, the official name, the roast, the optional registry entry, and the shareable card.
  • A monthly update — photos, video, race results, ceremonies, and what it actually ate. Shot on the farm, on a cracked phone, by a man called Devis.
  • Instagram and TikTok tags, if you want them. We tag you, never the person it is named after.
  • A say in its diet, revisited every billing cycle.
  • A say in its housing — plastic box, cosy wooden cabin, or fancy planted terrarium.
  • A say in how it ends, chosen up front and changeable at any time.

How it works

You subscribe, and Stripe brings you straight back here to name your roach and set up its life. Cancel any time in one click — no phone call, no retention maze, no survey asking what went wrong.

The honest small print

The roach is real. It is a Blaberus giganteus — a species native to Colombia, up to about 10cm, and genuinely photogenic — living in a managed colony on private land in Colombia, where it is fed and looked after by six people who have names and faces. It is never shipped, mailed, or sent to you or to the person it is named after, and it remains completely unaware of the whole affair. $9 per month, billed monthly, until you cancel. We are not a zoo, a sanctuary, or a conservation charity, and we do not pretend to be. The certificate is a keepsake, not a legal or scientific document. Registry entries are reviewed by a human before they appear, we publish your first name only, and we take anything down on request. Keep it to a real adult who can take a joke, keep it legal, and we will keep it funny.

Where it actually happens

This Is the Whole Operation

One shed in Colombia, a lot of egg crate, and a bulb that has been threatening to go out since 2019. Your roach lives here.

The narrow aisle inside the breeding shed, colony bins stacked floor to roof on both sides, a bare bulb at the far end and the Criadero La Esperanza sign in the foreground
The aisle. One bulb, and everybody you have ever been angry at.
A keeper reaching up to a wall of labelled cockroach bins named Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo, Fabio and Rosita, lit by a single hanging bulb
Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo. Somebody named every one of them.
Wooden breeding pens labelled ninfas pequenas, adultos grandes and cria seleccionada, above stacked colony bins, with the rainforest through the open door
Ninfas, adultos, cría seleccionada. There is a system, and it is followed.
Four open plastic colony bins labelled ninfas, adultos, cria and cuarentena, holding egg crate, moss, bark and shredded paper, set on the ground in front of the rainforest
Egg crate, moss, bark, shredded paper. Four bins, four opinions.
A keeper washing out a colony bin at the workbench beside a lid labelled Tito, with fresh egg cartons stacked ready and a limpieza y cuidado sign on the wall
Cleaning day. Tito is elsewhere, being briefly inconvenienced.
The full row of named cockroach crates on a bench under a tin shelter roof, surrounded by rainforest
The named crates, under the roof, in the order they were built.