The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Jesper aka you're too good for me | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Bruna aka i thought you'd moved on already | January 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Freya aka Mercury is in retrograde | January 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Chief Octavio aka i deleted instagram for my mental health | January 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Fiona aka it meant nothing i promise | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Provost Solveig aka can i still come to your sister's thing | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Inspector Galina aka i'm seeing someone now | January 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Countess Oswaldo aka in another life definitely | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Samira aka maybe we should take a little break | December 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Harriet aka we got together after us obviously | December 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Lord Beau aka new phone who dis | December 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Fabrizio aka let's keep it casual for now | December 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Constable Jolene aka i don't know what i want yet | December 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Verity aka Mercury is in retrograde | December 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Sergeant Lidia aka no hard feelings right | December 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Edgardo aka the timing has always been our problem | December 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Warden Susana aka i want you in my life just differently | December 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Prince Godfrey aka my therapist mentioned you again | December 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sweet Nora aka communication was always our issue | December 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Cardinal Sebastián aka maybe we should take a little break | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Rita aka let's revisit this in a few months | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Corporal Javier aka i got a job offer in Dubai | November 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Blaise aka i'm moving to Berlin probably | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Omar aka no hard feelings right | November 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Armando aka i genuinely forgot we had plans | November 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Klaus aka i miss you but i'm not coming back | November 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Sister Imogen aka my therapist mentioned you again | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Auntie Nestor aka i've been off my phone lately | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Constable Tomasz aka i tried i really did | November 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Judge Wanda aka i'm allergic to labels and cats | November 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sergeant Jonas aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | October 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Chief Selma aka this is for the best honestly | October 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Franco aka you're reading too much into it | October 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Careless Gwen aka i knew you'd react like this | October 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Señor Kacper aka we were never officially anything | October 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Bailiff Josefa aka my mum never warmed to you | October 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Egon aka you left your keys with my neighbour | October 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Hopeless Gio aka i'm getting married in June | October 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Inspector Nabil aka it's complicated | October 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Señor Jasmin aka you can keep the plant | October 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Elder Bahar aka i'm a scorpio it's not my fault | October 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Boris aka i'm getting married in June | September 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Honest Octavio aka i'm just really bad at texting | September 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Steward Nikolai aka i need to protect my peace | September 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Corporal Ciaran aka we're so much better as friends | September 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Duarte aka it's a long story | September 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Doctor Lena aka i thought you'd moved on already | September 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Salma aka i need to work on me | September 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Honest Nuria aka on paper it should have worked | September 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Envoy Ilona aka you caught me at a weird time | September 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |