The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Hakim aka i'm seeing someone now | May 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Foreman Mercedes aka Mercury is in retrograde | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Fenella aka i thought i wanted this | May 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Arjun aka i'm doing ayahuasca in October | May 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Simone aka happy birthday by the way | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Lady Cesar aka let's keep it casual for now | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Big Eamon aka i don't really believe in labels | April 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Coach Lars aka i have a kid now | April 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Admiral Casimir aka i'm still figuring myself out | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Zelda aka i muted you for my own sake | April 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Lord Chidi aka i need to focus on myself for a while | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Benedetta aka the timing has always been our problem | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Baroness Livia aka i have a kid now | April 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Hector aka you were the best thing that happened to me | April 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Bailiff Lidia aka i hope you find what you're looking for | April 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Hopeless Nazir aka i took a test and i'm an ENTP | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Herald Nadja aka i don't want kids and you did | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Carlota aka i just need a bit of space | April 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Prince Cora aka i deleted the app | April 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Marchioness Blaise aka you deserved better than what i gave | March 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Nurse Samira aka you'll find someone amazing | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Natasha aka can i still come to your sister's thing | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Cosmo aka i'm bad at feelings | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Brigadier Gustavo aka i stopped feeling it around March | March 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Vicar Astrid aka nothing happened it just stopped | March 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Nerea aka i'm doing a digital detox | March 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sweet Heidi aka i'm still figuring myself out | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Brigadier Tariq aka you always knew i was a mess | March 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Colette aka communication was always our issue | March 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| The Honourable Otto aka we were basically already broken up | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Godfrey aka i wasn't going to tell you like this | March 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Fausto aka no hard feelings right | March 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Matron Nikolai aka my flatmate answered my phone | February 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Jorge aka i need to focus on myself for a while | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Clive aka i unfollowed you it wasn't personal | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Enzo aka i can explain the receipts | February 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Halina aka we were on a break at that point | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Thierry aka i was single when it started | February 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Magistrate Hakim aka i thought i wanted this | February 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Doctor Manon aka are you up | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Dalia aka i was clear from the start | February 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Ragnar aka i'm not proud of how i handled it | February 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Magda aka i'm allergic to labels and cats | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Iona aka i genuinely forgot we had plans | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Bailiff Arjun aka i miss the old us | February 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Bishop Solveig aka i'm choosing myself for once | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Viscount Celeste aka i don't want to put a label on it | January 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Reverend Apollo aka you're being dramatic | January 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Alderman Gemma aka no bad blood right | January 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Margit aka you would have done the same | January 2024 | Still in captivity |