The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Dinah aka my new girlfriend follows you now | September 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Katya aka i don't really believe in labels | September 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Viggo aka you're reading too much into it | September 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Alfie aka i'm scared of how much i like you | September 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Eamon aka i don't know what i want yet | August 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Rector Pepa aka i stopped feeling it around March | August 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Percy aka my life is really chaotic at the moment | August 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Manon aka random but how have you been | August 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Governor Nerea aka i should have said something sooner | August 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Deacon Karim aka i'm moving to Lisbon in the spring | August 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Rector Jelena aka let's revisit this in a few months | August 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Jonas aka in another life definitely | August 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Brave Leif aka you'll find someone amazing | August 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Jelena aka this is exactly why i didn't say anything | August 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Tiny Laila aka i hope you meet someone incredible | August 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Contessa Pepa aka i'll call you when i land | August 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sergeant Damaris aka i was upfront about all of this | August 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Brave Isadora aka i'm just not in a good place right now | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Lord Elodie aka i don't think i deserve you | July 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Mohan aka i don't do the girlfriend thing | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Gemma aka can i still come to your sister's thing | July 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Leonardo aka you were the best thing that happened to me | July 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Denzel aka i was going to tell you | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Lachlan aka i saw your story and thought of you | July 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Marshal Jelena aka i left my toothbrush there | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Remy aka i thought we agreed to keep it light | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Prince Zebedee aka i didn't want to ruin your birthday | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Colonel Sofía aka the moon was doing something | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Señor Joaquín aka my therapist mentioned you again | July 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Sweet Galina aka i muted you for my own sake | July 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Wilbur aka can we not do this over text | June 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Emil aka no bad blood right | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Colonel Marcela aka i know this is out of nowhere | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Countess Amos aka i hope we can be adults about this | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Maestro Fausto aka the plant died by the way | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Sister Winifred aka i got a job offer in Dubai | June 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Admiral Octavio aka i was in airplane mode all weekend | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Saint Nico aka work is absolutely insane right now | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Flavia aka i have avoidant attachment it's a whole thing | June 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ebba aka i saw it coming honestly | June 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Leif aka i'm not ready for a relationship | June 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Dean Ilona aka my ex is going through a really hard time | June 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Maestro Gabor aka can i still come to your sister's thing | June 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Rocco aka i don't want to hurt you | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Javier aka i think i just needed the attention | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Helio aka no bad blood right | May 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Dilan aka i'm not great at commitment | May 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Agnes aka she's nothing like you i promise | May 2024 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Prince Elias aka my sister was going through something | May 2024 | Still in captivity |
| Little Rufus aka i should have said something sooner | May 2024 | Turned into powder to feed hens |