The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Matron Nils aka i panicked honestly | september 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Cyrus aka i'm working through some stuff | september 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Vasco aka i think about you sometimes | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Heidi aka i hope you meet someone incredible | augustus 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Earl Gwen aka i hope you find what you're looking for | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Jemima aka the timing just isn't right | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Curator Kendrick aka give me until after christmas | augustus 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Petra aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | augustus 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Old Thierry aka i'm moving to Lisbon in the spring | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Cecilia aka my friends said i should end it | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Bernard aka i don't want kids and you did | augustus 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Captain Thierry aka i need to protect my peace | augustus 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Wilhelmina aka it happened really fast | augustus 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Jarek aka it's not you it's genuinely me | juli 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Constable Lars aka i knew you'd react like this | juli 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Maestro Bruna aka can we go back to how it was | juli 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Pedro aka you'll thank me one day | juli 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Chief Lottie aka i'm not looking for anything serious | juli 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Lidia aka you're looking for something i can't offer | juli 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sabine aka i handled that badly and i'm sorry | juli 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Oona aka no hard feelings right | juli 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Rector Astrid aka you gave up first | juli 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Envoy Viggo aka i'll always love you as a person | juli 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Hopeless Ahmed aka can we go back to how it was | juli 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Hadley aka on paper it should have worked | juni 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Careless Augusto aka i was upfront about all of this | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Bishop Federica aka i was going through a lot that year | juni 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Naomi aka we're so much better as friends | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Otto aka random but how have you been | juni 2023 | Still in captivity |
| The Honourable Salma aka it happened really fast | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Lady Blaise aka i ruined it and i know that | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Señor Leif aka you should have told me what you needed | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Captain Celeste aka you're being a bit much | juni 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Admiral Desmond aka we're so much better as friends | juni 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Hopeless Verity aka we're good yeah | juni 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Dagmar aka i don't know when it changed | mei 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Cesar aka i miss you but i'm not coming back | mei 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Colonel Birgit aka let's be adults about the group chat | mei 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Honest Federica aka are you up | mei 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Rector Cosmo aka my therapist says i shouldn't date right now | mei 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Tiny Cora aka i don't do the girlfriend thing | mei 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Olaf aka do you ever think about that trip | mei 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Ilona aka long distance never works | mei 2023 | Still in captivity |
| Little Ruth aka i'm off social media for lent | mei 2023 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Keiko aka i was never really over it | mei 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Rector Luz aka i genuinely forgot we had plans | mei 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Podestà Serge aka the plant died by the way | april 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Alderman Maud aka my energy has been really off | april 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Honest Stefan aka i was upfront about all of this | april 2023 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Dieter aka i'll always love you as a person | april 2023 | Still in captivity |