Terms of Service

Last updated 27 July 2026. Starter terms — have a lawyer review these before you take real money.

1. What we sell

RoastMyEx.com sells a novelty gift: a cockroach naming, delivered as a printable certificate, with optional entry in our public registry and an optional gift message email. The roach is a real animal — Blaberus giganteus, native to Colombia — kept and cared for in a managed colony on private land in Colombia. No animal is ever shipped, transferred, mailed, or delivered to you or to the person it is named after, and you acquire no ownership of or rights over any animal. The certificate is a keepsake and confers no legal, scientific, or property rights of any kind.

2. Eligibility

You must be 18 or older to buy. By ordering, you confirm that any person you name is an adult, that you are not subject to a restraining or no-contact order involving them, and that you are not using this service to harass, threaten, defame, or intimidate anyone.

3. Acceptable use

You may not submit content that: threatens or incites violence; contains slurs or hate speech; identifies a minor; discloses private information about anyone (address, phone number, workplace, financial details); impersonates someone; or is intended to harass. We may refuse or remove any order or registry entry at our discretion.

4. The public registry

Registry entries are optional and moderated. Nothing appears publicly until a human approves it. We publish the roach name, the roast text, and the dedicator’s first name only. We remove entries on request from either the dedicator or the person named, without requiring a reason.

5. The gift message

If you supply a recipient email address, you confirm you have a genuine personal relationship with that person and that contacting them is lawful. We send at most one message per order, include a one-click opt-out in every message, and permanently block any address that opts out. We do not disclose your surname, email address, order details, or payment information to the recipient. You are responsible for the accuracy of the address you provide and for the content of your message.

6. Payment and delivery

Prices are in US dollars. Payment is processed by Stripe; we never see or store your full card details. Delivery is electronic and effectively immediate.

7. All sales are final

All sales are final. Orders cannot be reversed once placed.

8. Content licence

You keep ownership of the text you submit. You grant us a licence to display it on your certificate and, if you opt in, in the public registry, until you ask us to remove it.

9. Liability

The service is provided “as is”. To the fullest extent permitted by law, our total liability for any claim is limited to the amount you paid us. Nothing here limits liability that cannot lawfully be limited.

10. Changes and contact

We may update these terms; material changes will be posted here with a new date. Questions: info@roastmyex.com.