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A cardboard adoption sign for a cockroach named Ramiro propped on a rock at the river’s edge
A two-page gold-framed Certificate of Roachhood, proclaiming a cockroach named Unbothered Bianca, with care instructions and registry details.
Supreme Roast — Name a Cockroach After Your Friend or Your Ex - Afbeelding 3
An open wooden crate on a bench with an adoption sign naming the cockroach Lucho, crate 7
A hand-lettered sign naming a cockroach Chucho, propped in the plantain stems where it lives
The Criadero La Esperanza team sitting together in the shed at the end of a shift
Hands lifting the lid off a nymph bin filled with egg cartons and cockroaches

Supreme Roast — Name a Cockroach After Your Friend or Your Ex

For anyone who has earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex.

Everything in Premium — the certificate, the registry entry, the card — plus a second document: a Certificate of Emotional Closure, made out to you. Two sheets, one wax seal each, and the whole thing filed. The full paperwork.

Een voornaam of bijnaam is genoeg. Een vriend, een broer of zus, een huisgenoot, een ex — wie het ook verdiend heeft. Alleen echte personen, en niemand onder de 18.
Printed on the certificate, and shown in the registry if you opt in.

Live voorbeeld — dit vult zich terwijl je typt.

Marcus the Borrower
Named 10/2026 RMX-0000-0000
Jouw certificaat

Certificaatnummer en datum worden toegekend zodra je bestelling is betaald. De opmaak wordt verkleind weergegeven.

Het openbare register

Entries are reviewed by a human before they go live. We publish the roach name, your roast, and your first name only — never your surname, email, or theirs.
We post daily life from the colony — races, ceremonies, dinner, general skittering. Tick this and we will tag you when your roach turns up. Photos and videos land weekly or monthly depending on your plan.

A printed copy, in the post

Heavy uncoated stock, printed and hand-addressed here, then mailed to the address you give us. The emailed certificate arrives either way — this is the one you can frame.
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Beschrijving

Somebody in your life has earned this. The best friend who has been fifteen minutes away for eleven years. The sibling who still brings up the thing from 2009. The colleague who reheats fish at their desk. An ex, if that is genuinely the occasion. This is not revenge. This is administration. Somewhere in a habitat, a cockroach is going about its business with no idea it is about to be named after them.

You give us a name. We give you a certificate that looks like it belongs in a law firm’s lobby — cream stock, double gold border, script lettering, a wax seal. It lands in your inbox the moment your order goes through. Print it, frame it, post it, or keep it in a drawer and know it exists.

What you actually get

  • Digital Certificate delivered instantly.
  • Everything in Premium Roast — certificate, registry entry, social card.
  • A “Certificate of Emotional Closure”, a second document, made out to you.

The honest small print

The roach is real. It is a Blaberus giganteus — a species native to Colombia, up to about 10cm, and genuinely photogenic — living in a managed colony on private land in Colombia, where it is fed and looked after by six people who have names and faces. It is never shipped, mailed, or sent to you or to the person it is named after, and it remains completely unaware of the whole affair. We are not a zoo, a sanctuary, or a conservation charity, and we do not pretend to be. The certificate is a keepsake, not a legal or scientific document. Registry entries are reviewed by a human before they appear, we publish your first name only, and we take anything down on request. Keep it to a real adult who can take a joke, keep it legal, and we will keep it funny.

Waar het echt gebeurt

Dit is het hele bedrijf

Eén schuur in Colombia, heel veel eierdozen, en een peertje dat sinds 2019 dreigt door te branden. Hier woont jouw kakkerlak.

The narrow aisle inside the breeding shed, colony bins stacked floor to roof on both sides, a bare bulb at the far end and the Criadero La Esperanza sign in the foreground
Het gangpad. Eén peertje, en iedereen op wie je ooit boos bent geweest.
A keeper reaching up to a wall of labelled cockroach bins named Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo, Fabio and Rosita, lit by a single hanging bulb
Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo. Iemand heeft ze allemaal een naam gegeven.
Wooden breeding pens labelled ninfas pequenas, adultos grandes and cria seleccionada, above stacked colony bins, with the rainforest through the open door
Ninfas, adultos, cría seleccionada. Er is een systeem, en het wordt gevolgd.
Four open plastic colony bins labelled ninfas, adultos, cria and cuarentena, holding egg crate, moss, bark and shredded paper, set on the ground in front of the rainforest
Eierdoos, mos, schors, papiersnippers. Vier bakken, vier meningen.
A keeper washing out a colony bin at the workbench beside a lid labelled Tito, with fresh egg cartons stacked ready and a limpieza y cuidado sign on the wall
Schoonmaakdag. Tito is elders, en heeft het even niet naar zijn zin.
The full row of named cockroach crates on a bench under a tin shelter roof, surrounded by rainforest
De kisten met namen, onder het dak, in de volgorde waarin ze gebouwd zijn.