Description
The once-off tiers are a verdict. This is a relationship — with a cockroach, in Colombia, that you are financially responsible for. It costs $9 a month, which is less than they spend on a haircut.
You name it, you decide what it eats, you decide where it lives, and you decide how it ends. Then every month you get to watch it get on with its life, blissfully unaware of the honour.
What you actually get
- Digital Certificate delivered instantly.
- Everything in the once-off tiers — the certificate, the official name, the roast, the optional registry entry, and the shareable card.
- A monthly update — photos, video, race results, ceremonies, and what it actually ate. Shot on the farm, on a cracked phone, by a man called Devis.
- Instagram and TikTok tags, if you want them. We tag you, never the person it is named after.
- A say in its diet, revisited every billing cycle.
- A say in its housing — plastic box, cosy wooden cabin, or fancy planted terrarium.
- A say in how it ends, chosen up front and changeable at any time.
How it works
You subscribe, and Stripe brings you straight back here to name your roach and set up its life. Cancel any time in one click — no phone call, no retention maze, no survey asking what went wrong.
The honest small print
The roach is real. It is a Blaberus giganteus — a species native to Colombia, up to about 10cm, and genuinely photogenic — living in a managed colony on private land in Colombia, where it is fed and looked after by six people who have names and faces. It is never shipped, mailed, or sent to you or to the person it is named after, and it remains completely unaware of the whole affair. $9 per month, billed monthly, until you cancel. We are not a zoo, a sanctuary, or a conservation charity, and we do not pretend to be. The certificate is a keepsake, not a legal or scientific document. Registry entries are reviewed by a human before they appear, we publish your first name only, and we take anything down on request. Keep it to a real adult who can take a joke, keep it legal, and we will keep it funny.
