The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Viscount Perry aka my phone died for four days | May 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Bodhi aka i'm allergic to labels and cats | May 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Deacon Wallace aka let's keep it casual for now | April 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Cardinal Ross aka it meant nothing i promise | April 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Contessa Bianca aka i'm scared of how much i like you | April 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Duchess Lorna aka i still love you but not like that | April 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Ensign Rory aka we got engaged actually | April 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| The Honourable Todd aka i'm not ready for a relationship | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Inspector Miles aka i'm bad at feelings | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Kit aka it happened really fast | March 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Jonah aka we're so much better as friends | March 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Provost Ewan aka it was a really old photo | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Thandi aka i need to focus on myself for a while | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Zaid aka i'm not great at commitment | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Envoy Curtis aka i'm not over my ex yet | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Dov aka i'm just not in a good place right now | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Beatriz aka i liked her photo by accident | March 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Captain Rhys aka she's just a friend from uni | February 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Señor Julián aka happy birthday by the way | February 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Grand Duke Kevin aka i'm still figuring myself out | February 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Otis aka i'll always love you as a person | February 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Brother Malik aka you can keep the plant | January 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Baron Felix aka i'm not looking for anything serious | January 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Lady Whitney aka you'll find someone amazing | January 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Aaron aka i don't want to put a label on it | January 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sister Constance aka i was drunk that whole month | January 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Pablo aka i'm doing a digital detox | January 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Wee Callum aka i miss you but i'm not coming back | December 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Fat Tony aka you're too good for me | December 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Nadia aka i literally just got out of something | December 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Amara aka i thought we were on a break | December 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Admiral Pip aka i hope we can be adults about this | December 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Master Elliot aka i've been so busy this week | November 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Nia aka sorry i missed your call in March | November 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Bex aka i'm just really bad at texting | November 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Tess aka i'll text you tomorrow | October 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Don Alberto aka it's complicated | October 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Padre Ignacio aka it's not you it's genuinely me | October 2025 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Noor aka we're cool yeah | October 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Clem aka i've been meaning to reply | October 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Governor Blake aka my ex is going through a really hard time | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Yusuf aka you'd really like her | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Vero aka you're overthinking it | September 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Marshal Dexter aka our friendship is too important | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Rafael aka i was going to tell you | September 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Priya aka i just need a bit of space | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Quartermaster Len aka maybe we should take a little break | September 2025 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Bishop Harvey aka you deserve so much better than me | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Bruno aka it's a long story | September 2025 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sol aka are you up | August 2025 | Still in captivity |