The Official Roach Registry
Every roach below was named by somebody who decided a particular person had earned it — a best friend, a sibling, a colleague, an ex. Entries are reviewed by a human before they appear. We publish the roach’s name, the roast, and the dedicator’s first name — never a surname, never an email address, never contact details for anybody.
Named the wrong person, or want an entry about you removed? Tell us and it comes down. No argument, no form to fill in twice.
| My little Roach | Adoption date | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Little Osric aka i just do not see it going anywhere long term | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Commodore Marisol aka i am choosing myself for once | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Lior aka we want different things and that is nobody's fault | September 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Padre Hendrik aka i just think the universe is telling us something | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Saoirse aka you will always have a special place, just not in my inbox | September 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| General Ruben aka i just do not have the bandwidth for a relationship right now | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Elowen aka i left because i did not know how to stay | September 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Vicar Kaveh aka i swear it is not because of them | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Wren aka i just need to figure out who i am on my own | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Baroness Bastian aka the group chat knew before you did, sorry | September 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Noor aka i am really just focused on my career right now | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Professor Fenn aka you will thank me for this one day | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Amara aka i just moved and it felt like a sign | September 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Chief Declan aka we can still be friends though right | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Sabine aka i still care about you, just not like that anymore | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Marquess Chidi aka honestly i forgot we were even official | September 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Mateo aka i am just not good at this whole texting back thing | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Duchess Ingrid aka i left you on read because i did not know what to say | September 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Lachlan aka you are amazing, this is just bad timing | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Colonel Farah aka i never really deleted the app, i just muted it | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Owen aka can we just take a break and see how it feels | September 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Doctor Nadia aka i love you but i am not in love with you | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Callum aka i think we should see other people | September 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Sergeant Priya aka you deserve someone who has their life together | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Theo aka i just think we want different things right now | September 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Wes aka Congratulations on having a roach named in your honor. | August 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Marcus aka i just need some space to figure myself out | August 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Foreman Dario aka you knew what this was from the start | August 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Soraya aka i'm really bad at texting, it's not about you | August 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Comrade Tobias aka let us just see where things go | August 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Judge Beatriz aka i don't want to put a label on it yet | August 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Judge Roland aka you deserve someone who can give you more | August 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little June aka i'm just not in a good place right now | Juli 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Esteban aka my last relationship really messed me up | Juli 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Foreman Jerry aka you knew what this was | Juli 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Judge Miriam aka can we go back to how it was | Juli 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Comrade Vince aka you're honestly like a sister to me | Juli 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Hugo aka calm down | Juli 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Rector Simon aka can we talk about this later | Juli 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Idris aka i assumed you knew | Juli 2026 | Freed into the Colombian jungle (survival mode) |
| Little Anya aka no hard feelings right | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Xiomara aka i need to work on me | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Kwame aka i never said we were exclusive | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Squire Adrian aka i don't do the girlfriend thing | Juni 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Emeka aka i'm seeing someone now | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Suki aka i think about you sometimes | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Little Iris aka i don't want to ruin what we have | Juni 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Sir Dylan aka let's just see where it goes | Juni 2026 | Turned into powder to feed hens |
| Little Amaia aka i'm working on myself now | Mai 2026 | Still in captivity |
| Warden Gilbert aka i've changed a lot since then | Mai 2026 | Still in captivity |