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A two-page Roachhood certificate: care and handling instructions on the left, and on the right a framed cockroach certified as Little Anthony, adopted June 2025
A two-page gold-framed Certificate of Roachhood, proclaiming a cockroach named Unbothered Bianca, with care instructions and registry details.
The certificate package laid out on a living room table: a burgundy presentation folder, the framed Certificate of Roachhood, its Care and Handling registry page, and an enrolment card mapping the colony in Colombia, with a dog asleep on the sofa behind

Printed Certificate — posted to you

Your certificate, both pages, printed on heavy uncoated stock, hand-addressed and posted to you.

First name or nickname is plenty. A friend, a sibling, a housemate, an ex — anyone who has earned it. Real people only, and nobody under 18.
Printed on the certificate, and shown in the registry if you opt in.

Live preview — this fills in as you type.

Gregory the Unreliable
Named 10/2026 RMX-0000-0000
Your certificate

Certificate number and date are issued when your order is paid. Layout shown at reduced size.

The public registry

Entries are reviewed by a human before they go live. We publish the roach name, your roast, and your first name only — never your surname, email, or theirs.
We post daily life from the colony — races, ceremonies, dinner, general skittering. Tick this and we will tag you when your roach turns up. Photos and videos land weekly or monthly depending on your plan.
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Description

A one-off printed copy of a certificate you already own. Printed here on heavy uncoated stock, hand-addressed, and posted within five working days. Overseas post can take three weeks.

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Where it actually happens

This Is the Whole Operation

One shed in Colombia, a lot of egg crate, and a bulb that has been threatening to go out since 2019. Your roach lives here.

The narrow aisle inside the breeding shed, colony bins stacked floor to roof on both sides, a bare bulb at the far end and the Criadero La Esperanza sign in the foreground
The aisle. One bulb, and everybody you have ever been angry at.
A keeper reaching up to a wall of labelled cockroach bins named Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo, Fabio and Rosita, lit by a single hanging bulb
Carmen, Luis, Elena, Beto, Amparo. Somebody named every one of them.
Wooden breeding pens labelled ninfas pequenas, adultos grandes and cria seleccionada, above stacked colony bins, with the rainforest through the open door
Ninfas, adultos, cría seleccionada. There is a system, and it is followed.
Four open plastic colony bins labelled ninfas, adultos, cria and cuarentena, holding egg crate, moss, bark and shredded paper, set on the ground in front of the rainforest
Egg crate, moss, bark, shredded paper. Four bins, four opinions.
A keeper washing out a colony bin at the workbench beside a lid labelled Tito, with fresh egg cartons stacked ready and a limpieza y cuidado sign on the wall
Cleaning day. Tito is elsewhere, being briefly inconvenienced.
The full row of named cockroach crates on a bench under a tin shelter roof, surrounded by rainforest
The named crates, under the roof, in the order they were built.