Real humans, reasonable hours, genuinely fast on anything involving a takedown.
One address, for everything: info@roastmyex.com
Orders, questions, complaints, takedowns, press, and people who just want to know whether the roach is real. It is one inbox and we read all of it. We are small enough that a second address would only mean two places to lose your message.
General questions get an answer within two business days. Takedown and harassment reports jump the queue and are usually actioned the same day.
Email info@roastmyex.com with the word takedown in the subject line and we will remove the registry entry and block your address from ever receiving another message from this site. You do not need to prove anything or explain yourself. If you believe you are being harassed, tell us and we will block the sender’s account as well.
Same address — info@roastmyex.com. Yes, we know. Yes, you can quote us. Yes, the farm is real, and there are photographs of it further down this page.
The website is the easy half. The other half is six people, a wooden shed on stilts, and several thousand cockroaches that need feeding whether or not anyone has broken up today.
Criadero La Esperanza, in full
That is the entire company. No office, no head office, no department that could be reached by email. Between them they feed several thousand cockroaches twice a day, letter every name that gets bought, and finish on that bench arguing about which of them did the most of it.
Favourite roach Ask any two of them and you will get three answers.
Weighing and dispatch
Runs the scale, which means nothing leaves the farm unweighed and nothing leaves it unnoticed. Keeps the only tidy notebook on the property. Ends most disputes by not participating in them.
Favourite roach The gravid females. Everyone else likes the handsome ones.
Colony husbandry
Moves nymphs between bins, rebuilds the egg-crate towers, and does all of it at roughly one and a half times the speed of anyone else. Has never once put a lid back on crooked.
Favourite roach Ninfas 2 — the awkward stage, halfway to nothing.
Nursery and sorting
Sorts by size, by hand, in gloves, all morning. Laughs at everything and misses nothing, which turns out to be a difficult combination to hire for. Not remotely squeamish, and quietly enjoys that visitors are.
Favourite roach Whichever one walks up an arm mid-sort. It counts as being chosen.
Records and camera
Every count, every feed, every race gets written down and then filmed again on a phone with a cracked screen that is never going to be replaced. If you are a subscriber, most of what you watch came off that phone.
Favourite roach Whichever one is closest to the lens. It is a working relationship.
Naming and certificates
Handles the end of the process you actually see: the name goes on the roach, the roach goes in the book, the certificate goes out. Also paints every sign on the farm, including the big one on the shed, which has been repainted three times because the rain keeps getting a vote.
Favourite roach The escapee. There is always one, and it is always the same one.
No head office, no warehouse, no returns department. One building, one road that turns to mud when it rains, and a colony that has never heard of any of you.
