FAQ

This is called RoastMyEx. Can I give one to a friend?

Please do — most of them are gifts now. The name is where the joke started, not who it is for. Name a roach after your best friend for their birthday, your sibling, your housemate, the group chat, a colleague who leaves cups in the sink, or an ex, if that is genuinely the occasion. The certificate never says “ex” anywhere on it: it says the name you typed, the roast you wrote, and the date it was registered.

Is a real cockroach involved?

Yes, genuinely. Your roach is a real Blaberus giganteus, a species native to Colombia, living in a managed colony on private land there. What you receive, depending on your plan, is the certificate, the registry entry, video of daily life in the colony, achievements (races against other roaches, ceremonies, special events) and its meals — other roaches, gourmet fish, the occasional Colombian local energiser — never the roach itself. Nothing is shipped, mailed, or couriered to anyone: not to you, not to them, not for an extra fee. We are not a zoo, a sanctuary, or a conservation charity. We are a patch of Colombian jungle, a very large colony, and a label maker.

Will they know?

Only if you decide they should. By default the certificate is yours alone and we contact nobody. On Premium and above you can optionally have us email them the gift message: you type the address yourself, we send exactly one message, and every message carries a one-click opt-out. If they opt out, their address is blocked permanently and nobody can use this site to email them again. Leave the field blank and nothing is sent, ever.

Can I name it after anyone?

Keep it to an adult who can take a joke — a friend, a sibling, a housemate, a colleague, an ex — and keep it legal. No harassment, no threats, no slurs, no naming minors, and nothing intended to intimidate someone. Public registry entries are reviewed by a human before they go live, and we will remove any entry on request — including a request from the person named. If you are under a restraining or no-contact order, do not use the gift message feature.

Cancel the subscription any time?

Yes — any time, in one click, no extra charge and nobody will phone you about it. The interesting part is that you decide how it ends. Your roach can go back to living in the colony among its mates as though nothing happened, be released into the wild it came from, or be processed into powder for our hens. All three come with a certificate. We do not have a preferred option and we will not nudge you toward one.

How fast is delivery?

Instant. Your roach goes on the register the moment your order is paid, its nameplate is fitted, and the certificate is emailed straight away — both sheets, on the tiers that include the second one. It is usually in your inbox before you have closed the tab.

Can I get my certificate deleted?

Yes. Email us and we will revoke the link and delete the registry entry. Cancelling an order does this automatically.